'So, now what is it exactly?'

When they were still small and cuddly
Screenshot from danish TV-production, Copenhagen 1994
© TV-STOP

Frankly, at the moment don't know that myself. As I was told by my doctor when they first appeared (and since then told everybody, well, almost everybody), they were supposed to be something called 'atheromes', that's sebum glands not working properly rsp. that got stuck.

But when the surgeon sent in the first one for analysis after removal, turned out it was something very different consisting of hair root cells running amok, though gladly still nothing dangerous. But something so rare that he also had never heard about it before and will have to do some homework himself before being able to actually fill me in. So right now I'm still wondering myself too.

EDIT: Got it. It's a benign tumor stemming from hair root cells. The diagnosis according to the lab report was 'trichilemmal cyst', though in the u.s. 'proliferating pilar tumor (PPT)' seems to be the more common name.

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'Can I, um, ask you a question?'

Virtually wherever I'm out and about and not wearing camo, it's just a question of time till this line starts popping in my face. Since I'm aware of provoking it on my part, I'm usually not taking offence. Once I agree, of course the actual question is inevitably always the same, so I've grown used to not even wait for it.

Depending on how exactly I'm asked (ok, and also by whom, plus how many umpteen times in the last one or two hours already), I'm not always giving a straight answer, but am rather taking the piss.

Especially at parties, when it just won't stop, and then they (mostly girls actually) start 'looking' also with their fingers to check if the lumps are really real.

And yes, they ARE, and by the way also VERY CONTAGIOUS!

As in this case I never fail to explain gleefully. (Some even believe it.)

Though my favourite standard anwer is: 'Oh, the police took me with them.'

Followed by: 'No, it's from the piercing shop. Cost me a fortune.'

And: 'As a kid, I was always bad at math, so got a calculator wetwired.'

Since (as I had to learn the hard way) 'It just grows like that' nobody believes me anyway.

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