Was visiting my sis, getting some books n stuff I'm still stashing in their attic. Having a juice in the kitchen before going upstairs, as usual their two and a half year little one wanting me to play 'Up' with him, i.e. me lifting him at the hands, feet or shoulders as high as I can, cause he knows I'm game at that.
After a while I got a bit worn out and just carried him piggyback or had him sitting on my arm in front of me. Which of course gets him bored rather quickly, so he decided to go for my cap for a change. Cause the wound being still a bit sore and I'm wearing the lose XL one, he's taking it off easily enough.
His eyes already widening at the kinda unexpected result, me automatically thinking, 'Uh-oh, how am I going to break it to him gently so he's not gonna be afraid?'
Which was when it happened. Something I hadn't dared imagining in my wildest dreams, and which I'll carry inside my heart forever.
Cause his eyes were widening, ok, and his mouth opening too -- so far, so common. But not the way like alla the other's, no. Getting really big them eyes, yes, but instead of looking at me with the usual only too well known expressions of contempt, disgust, horror, frowning and you name it -- lightening up, and his mouth starting to smile, till he beamed all over his face, giggling as he wholeheartedly went after the remaining lumps with his wee little fingers, like them being a most delightful new toy, which for him they obviously were.
So much unlike the various strangers grabbing at them like some kind of courage test, approaching their fingertips slowly, touching quickly, recoiling immediately while drawing in a short hissing breath. Not to mention virtually any women I've been with since I'd cut my hair, exposing them to the world to see (and, uh, feel).
Felt like this song by Sonic Youth, kinda, that always used to make me cry:
'It feels like a wish, coming true
It feel like an angel, dreaming of you
Feels like heaven, forgiving and getting ...'
I'm so glad having experienced this before having them all removed. Probably the closest to absolution and redemption I will ever get.
And though also myself I felt so touched and forgiven by his reaction, that's not actually what I'm going on about.
I am talking bout the bloody human race.